My friend Steven gushed the other evening
about a dreamy first date he’d just gone on. The guy he went out with
was great, he said: smart, charming and a total gentleman.
But Steven was also excited about how they
initially met. They did so online — not through a dating site, but
through Instagram, a site that I use largely to post beach photos and
alert my friends to new pictures of Beyoncé. I’ve occasionally used it
to shop, but to find a date? Never.
But Steven, a young, hip Brooklynite who
works in digital media (and whose surname is being withheld to protect
his privacy) said that making romantic connections on social networking
services was catching on in many circles. While there is no shortage of
apps and services to help people find someone to date, it can be easier
to unearth them in online spaces one already frequents, like Instagram.
In one sense, much dating is now online
dating, because most of us communicate with one another through a device
or an app. Where shall we meet on Friday? A lot of us make the
arrangements online.
And many of us have Googled a prospective partner
for background information, or pored over a text message or email from a
crush, aiming to decipher its meaning. Perhaps just as many, if not
more, feel compelled to post updates about relationships on Facebook and
similar sites.
In Steven’s case, after a handsome stranger
began to follow him on Instagram and “like” his selfies, Steven began to
follow the new acquaintance right back. The two flirted online and used
Instagram’s private messaging feature to chat. Ultimately, they agreed
on dinner and drinks.
In this instance, Instagram offered a
real-time look into a prospective partner’s world. Each could learn
about the other’s travels, social life and food preferences — just by
browsing the trove of information freely shared on social media.
“There’s a thrill in learning about someone,
where they go and how fun their friends look,” Steven said. “You can’t
help but be charmed.”
He said it felt more honest — and exciting,
because of the unexpected aspect of the budding online friendship — than
the usual dating-site model that lets members browse static profiles
and descriptions.
When I looked into it, I found that Steven’s
experience was quite common. Last May, the Pew Research Center surveyed
more than 2,200 people and found that 15 percent had used social media to ask someone out on a date.
Katie Heaney, author of “Never Have I Ever,”
a dating memoir, who also writes for BuzzFeed, the news site, said that
getting to know someone through social media could be much more
appealing than using traditional dating sites because it was possible to
get a more realistic impression of a person. While profiles on dating
sites are often carefully contrived, people tend to let more of their
individuality and personalities come through casual interactions on
Twitter and Instagram, she said.
“It makes you feel like you know the person better than you would from an online dating profile,” she said.
On apps like Tinder and Hinge, you can swipe
through pictures of people who have said they are single, then indicate
your level of interest. When two people indicate that they are
interested in each other, the app notifies both and allows them to start
a text conversation.
But that straightforward approach can be
exhausting. Flipping through pictures can also feel unromantic, like a
casting call. “It removes the exciting ambiguity that other sites
allow,” Ms. Heaney said. “It’s practical but not as fun” as the
flirtation possible on Instagram and similar sites.
People are finding romance in all corners of the social web, even some of the newest. Apps including Secret and Whisper,
that allow people to post anonymously and comment on those posts, are
being used to make love connections, the proprietors of the sites say.
Neetzan Zimmerman, editor in chief at
Whisper, said the service transmits millions of private messages. It
includes a category that encourages members to meet and chat in the
physical world, and that category is among its most popular.
The service doesn’t require people to create
profiles or have accounts, so it is appealing to those looking to make
connections without sharing all of their personal information upfront.
“On Whisper, users can send up a flare and
say ‘I’m looking for someone to chat with,’ and then gradually introduce
themselves in a convenient pace,” he said. “In addition, there are no
profile photos to distract from personality, and many users find that
incredibly appealing.”
I wondered whether this phenomenon might be
hurting the traditional online dating industry. After all, if people
like Steven can meet prospective partners on Instagram, which is free,
why would they pay for a subscription to a dating site?
But Armen Avedissian, chief operating officer of the dating site eHarmony, said
it had grown much larger in the last year — to 765,000 subscribers from
500,000, a gain of 55 percent. And the time people spent on the site
and its mobile app rose by half.
Mr. Avedissian said the popularity of social
media appears to have led to a heightened awareness of dating apps and
services — and possibly to reducing any stigma associated with using
online tools to meet people. “Social media led to global usage for us,”
he said. “It helped us penetrate untapped markets. Not only are people
staying longer, they are paying more.”
While his site has been in business for
years, many newer apps and services explicitly for dating made an
initial splash and then dwindled away, not long after their debuts.
These include Yoke, MeetMoi and Circl.es. Still, CB Insights, an
analytics firm that tracks venture capital and investments, says signs
indicate that the overall online dating sector is still healthy.
Hinge,
for example, recently raised $4 million in financing and is rising in
Apple’s App Store rankings. Tinder was recently valued at about $500
million.
And Aaron Schildkrout, one of the founders of the dating site HowAboutWe, said it was possible for social media and dating apps to coexist and profit.
“The excitement of interacting with people
you don’t know drives a lot of the behavior on the Internet,” he said.
“That is certainly not restricted to dating sites.”
Steven agreed, saying that if his budding
romance fizzled, he would still be looking on Instagram and as well as
dating sites. “Counting any platform out is close-minded,” he said.
“When you’re single, why not look?”
more details:the new yok times
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